The Trenchcoat Guy
Let's talk about my first kiss. It was 2001. Which means I looked something like this...
Who wouldn't want to kiss a girl with such a beautiful Jew-fro??
I was a drama nerd. So obviously my crush was another boy from drama...He was one of my best friends at the time. I delivered hand-written letters to him on a weekly basis. I spent hours on the home phone talking to him until one of us fell asleep. I believed every word he spouted to me. And then I helped him start dating my friend. He always told me our timing was off. But one day he came over to my house (while still dating my friend) and told me his relationship (because high school relationships are SO very serious) was ending.
"All I want...is to be your first kiss," he said.
I had butterflies. He leaned in on my bed, and kissed me ever so gently. At the time, I thought something magical happened. After he left, I spent the next hours in heaven. I thought my time had finally come! Silly girl. I tried to reach him the next day, but he didn't answer. When he finally called me back, my heaven closed up. He felt guilty. He told my friend what happened. She was very angry, and asked him to stop being my friend. "What?!? I thought you said it was over with her!" He told me it was a mistake, and said goodbye.
You'd think getting your heart broken would be bad enough, but the story didn't end there. It spiraled out of control. My "friend" blamed me for her boyfriend's infidelity, and started pitting our other friends against me. Somehow I became the town slut with just one little kiss...way before I started writing about blowjobs and crooked dicks. The gossip of how it all went down became ridiculous...
"I heard you showed up at his house in only a trenchcoat. And when he opened the door, you opened it up and exposed yourself! And I heard you guys did everything but sex!"
- I couldn't drive. So obviously my mom dropped me off at a boy's house in the middle of a summer day wearing a trenchcoat, and thought nothing of it?? Nope.
- "Did everything but sex?" C'mon! I was 15. And I didn't even know what that would entail. I was a BIG TIME PRUDE back then.
- A trenchcoat? Really?!?
Maybe this experience led me to a life of thinking I was never good enough to be someone's girlfriend. Or maybe it made me stronger because I realized how retarded people can be at a young age. Either way it's pretty funny because she and I are STILL not friends. And he has always been one of the strongest supporters of my writing. We're all fucked up.