September 6, 2012

Can you see the cervix?

Part of being a single girl is making sure the lady parts are in top health. Off I went to my annual check up with the Lady Doctor, who was running about 45 minutes behind on appointments. Great. As I glanced around the room at the couples reading Parenting Magazine, every woman with bellies popped out from the baby sucking the life out of their insides, I couldn't help but feel like THEY were judging ME. Yeah, that's right. I'm here without a baby in my belly. Without a man. 

After waiting 30 minutes, the nurse notifies me that my Lady Doctor (who is a lady herself) will be accompanied by a male medical student. "Do you mind?" she asked. Considering how long I'd been waiting, I decided to let the student be part of my appointment. Whatever. It's for science.

I went into the cold, sterile exam room and was asked to undress completely. Paper tops and skirts are all the rage in the Lady Doctor's office. By the time she came in to greet me with The Med Student, I was freezing. I shook his hand and tried not to look him in the eye. It's for science. He's going to be a doctor. The conversation started pretty normally, considering this was my first visit with a new doctor. She asked all the usual questions:
  • Are you sexually active?
  • Are you on birth control?
  • Do you use condoms?
  • When was your last period?
And then she saw my boobs and started asking about my reconstructive surgery. (Another story, another post.) The Med Student tried not to look. And I tried not to look at his face. So I stared at his nametag and...OH MY GOD. I KNOW HIM! My face must have turned bright red, and I could feel the sweat dripping on my paper shirt. Fuck. We went to high school together. Does he recognize me? If he saw my chart, he knows everything about me! Why didn't he say anything??

And all of a sudden it's time for her to insert the speculum for my pap smear. Gentleman, go home and kiss your girlfriend/wife after you click that link. It's no fun. The Lady Doctor leaned back and asked The Med Student, "Can you see the cervix?" I died.

At least he knows I have a normal, healthy cervix. He saw more than any of the guys on my list ever have. Congrats, Med Student. 


  1. I would have died right there!

    1. I'm still embarrassed. So glad he and I aren't Facebook friends!



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