I've mentioned before that my dating mentor happens to be a guy...one I've known for seven years now. Geez, Married Man, you're fucking old. We became friends through one of my lovely exes, and I even watched as he became Mr. Married Man. I'm still not sure how he got Mrs. Married Man to say "I do"...But he's a great combo of asshole and gentleman. I've gotten a few dating questions from readers since starting this blog, and my response is always,
"Are you reading this thing? I'm terrible at dating!" Naturally, I looked to Married Man for guidance. Here is how it went:
Lindsay: Okay, I'm going on a lot of first dates...What’s the worst thing a girl can do on a first date?
MM: For a girl, it’s being too aggressive. If you’re trying to impress a guy, the best way to find a good guy is to force him to slow down. If it’s the right guy, he’ll take the time to wait. Also, stay away from any kind of conversation about sex or anything sexual. But, but, but...
You want to attract the guy and give him some slight touches throughout the night to let him know you’re interested, but don’t go too far.
What’s the best thing?
For a guy, I’m a firm believer that doing the chivalrous things (opening doors, paying for the food, offering to give her a ride home, etc) are usually the best. Also, make sure you actually listen to what the girl is saying. It sounds easy to do, but so many people do it wrong. The better you really listen to her, the better off you’ll be. For girls, listening to what the guy says and acting engaged in what he says will always help. I’d also say (and this kind of goes against what I just said), giving a guy a challenge gets to the heart of most guys. We think we are pretty awesome, so if you listen but don’t act like we're the greatest thing since sliced bread or give into requests for physical contact on the first date, most guys will be at least interested. Ugh it's so confusing.
How many guys can a girl date at once, and for how long?
That really just depends on the girl. When I was single, I could rarely date more than one girl at a time and if I did, the girls always knew that I was. Generally, one person starts to win out and becomes preferred unless it’s just about sex. Guys HATE being unimportant, so a girl will probably be less successful at dating multiple people. But imagine with online dating, it takes a little longer to know if you really like someone. Yeah, well I'd still say you have about a month from your first face-to-face meeting to figure it out.
I try really hard not to be a crazy girl. Who do you think are crazier in relationships? Girls or guys?
Girls are definitely crazier because nearly everything holds meaning to you. I once heard relationships described as one person chasing the other at one point or another. Not so much physically chasing, but in their mind thinking that they need to do more to impress the other. The person that is doing the chasing is nearly always the person that is crazier. That, to me, is huge in every relationship because the moment neither one is chasing the other is the moment that a lot of the passion disappears. I think the only relationships that ever become official for me, resulted because I was the one being chased. I'm a bad hunter.
So, how do you get past the casual dating to being boyfriend/girlfriend without scaring someone off?
With a lot of the girls I dated, we never became “official” until a good six months into dating because I’m not all that comfortable with titles. Really I just think its a conversation to have after a decent amount of time dating (at least a month).
And how do you feel about being Facebook Official?
I think being Facebook official is stupid. It makes no difference what your Facebook says as long as you know. If you’re posting to each other’s wall and having fun that way, everyone already knows. They’re stalking you, too...remember? Making it Facebook official just adds an extra level of pressure that most of us don’t need anyways. That's why I'm engaged to a girl on there! However, if you’re getting married, I’d say change your status IMMEDIATELY!
I feel like there is still a double standard for girls in the dating world... Am I a slut?
I don’t believe in the double standard, but overall women are expected to be “less experienced” than the guys that they are with. But I’m wondering, “Who are the guys having sex with if girls aren’t supposed to have sex??” To me, it’s all about doing what makes you feel comfortable. I do believe that there are times when we can get too focused on sex and need to pull back to really focus on what we want in someone.
If you went on a date with me and then later found out about Every Single Day, would you still like me?
A blog shouldn’t make any self respecting guy stop dating a girl. You’re not using names, just your own personal descriptions of the guys. Any guy scared of that needs to grow a pair, man up and start behaving.
What kind of guy would you like to see me date?
A guy who is mature and willing to put you first. Don’t waste time with someone who won’t put you first. Easier said than done! I always think that's temporary. There are tons of good guys out there; you’re just looking in the wrong places. Stop going to bars to meet guys. I was one of those guys, and none of them were looking for their future wife.
How did you know Mrs. Married Man was “the one?”
I don’t remember the actual moment, but I just remember sitting there one day driving over to her place and thought to myself, this is the girl I’m going to marry. She didn’t know it yet, but I definitely did. Her moment came a couple weeks later when I was helping her make up her bed. Sometimes its those weird little innocuous things that change someone’s mind and move someone to that “one” level.
Any parting advice for the single guys out there reading my blog?
Treat every girl like you would treat your mom. Value her opinion the way you would your mom. Listen to her the way you would your mom. Open the door and take care of her the way you would your mom. Not every girl will cherish it the same way, but it’ll help you move your way through the wrong girls quicker.