July 29, 2012

I'm Back, B*tches!

So if you know me, you probably encouraged me to start a new blog. It's been about 16 months since I wrote my farewell post on Gratuity Not Included. While I loved writing about my adventures as a waitress in order to make the days go by quicker, I am quite happy to not be slaving over marinara sauce anymore. You may also remember that I had a special Australian friend that I was about to visit down under. Well, that's exactly where our relationship went...down under. If you ask him, he'd probably say I broke his Aussie heart. If you ask me, I'd say he probably shouldn't have smothered me and went through my shit while I was at work. Two sides to every story. And don't you worry, I'll tell you all about it...

Because I'm here to write about my love life. This is a story I've been dreaming of telling since college. But for fear of embarrassing my family with my shenanigans, I held back...until now. I joined an online dating site (which I guess is pretty normal these days) and have been dying to talk about the fucking crazies kind gentlemen I've been going out with, but then I thought...this could be bad juju.

If I write a blog about the awful dates I go on, and I want the blog to be successful, well that pretty much means I'm stuck going on bad dates and not finding the man of my dreams

Fuck it. When this is all over, I'm sending my pictures to Patti at Millionaire Matchmaker and she'll find me a Sugar Daddy. Seriously...She'd love me.
1) I'm Jewish
2) I'm educated
3) I'm not ugly
4) I work with ABUSED CHILDREN
5) I know how to wear a tight dress and use a hair straightener to cover my Jew Curls

So here we go. Stories of my past. Stories of my present. Ideas for the future.

Welcome to my life.... EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

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